you're a mystery yourself

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

12:34 AM

disappointed.
saddened.
worried.
depressed.
strived not hard enough.
un-motivated.
hopeless.
fearful.
those words are just a part of my limited vocab to describe the mixed feelings im having now.
didnt feel so bad in school until i got home and started reflecting quite a bit.
prelims are over ! it aint a good thing tt the much-dreaded results are back.
hoping for a pass wasnt good enough.
it has truly shown and made so clear tt im not studying hard enough.
its depressing.
are my study methods so wrong.?
i think im not having enough practice and i just aint striving hard enough i guess.
reassuring myself time after time that its just the prelims and As will be better.
i hope it would be so.
im not sure if it the right mentality to hold.
but suddenly wad lawrence said struck me.
it may be the prelims but As arent too far away and this is a gauge.
by not doing well how sure am i As will be better.and i will get the desired grade i want.
a mere 1 1/2 months away.its not too much not too little time for last min revision and cramming.
ive gotta start now before its really too late =(
looking thru my exam papers and seeing the marks that came with it.
i feel damn dumb.
y is it that others can do it and i cant?
i feel stupid at times.
am i regretting it all over again.?
poly and jc. y did i choose jc ?
to satisfy my parent's desire? thinking of it as a means to a better future.?
not sure of wad i wanted and had no confirmed decision on the poly course ?
these questions have all came too late.
the pressure then just made me put jc as my next stop aft sec sch.
anyhows jc life has made me grow up and matured my thinking.
it has nonetheless strengthen me mentally.
facing the pressures of jc life make one cant help but to deal with it.
mentally torturing at times. esp studying.
many a times making me feel like breaking down and giving all up.
but still. with the comfort i get from family and friends.it has pushed me on.
one thing i dont regret was the friendships established.
it makes life in there more worthwhile=)
anyways im reaching the end of the tormenting rat race.
i just hope to finish it with grace. successful and not being a total failure.
in this 1 over month,im gonna do wad it takes to ensure me tt.
tt's all the time i have left to salvage it.
it decides where my education journey ends.
and where its gonna bring me. what my future may hold and what not.
having tt dream of entering uni to study a business degree seems so distant all this while.
with the prelim results, it has gone even further.
im gonna start a revision plan and get myself in order.
been in this mess for far too long and its not getting me anywhere.
okae. its no use wallowing in self-pity and only HOPE for things to get better.
it wont. i have to help myself while God helps me.
been going by tt phrase which keeps me going.
* i can do all things thru christ who strengthens me *
cuz its only in HIM i trust.
the world may go round in circles and evrything is shaky.
but he is my refuge and strength, the rock of my salvation.=)
paper qualifications and all are just what the world has to offer.
there are much more wonderous things that await me as i continue on my journey with him.=p
to all who's feeling the same way as me at some point in ur life. i guess we just have to strive on and persevere.
nothing is impossible.
i'm-possible!
i can do it.!!! till then.~

-life in the midst of restructuring and shaping needs strength and determination-

&the beauty.

.Ashley.
.Faith.HopeLove
1 Corinthians 13

GOD.♥

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